Motherhood Musings

Almost 6 weeks on, and it finally feels like things are picking up speed. From an old rickety KTM* overnight mail train, we now seem to be progressing to the speed of the Eurostar passing through the underwater tunnel.

Well, almost.

There are still colicky nights when we wonder if we would ever live to see daylight. But compared to Hannah’s first week (‘the longest week of our lives’), we seem to be calmer parents (and grandparents), more able to decipher her cries and anticipate her needs.

I often wonder what mothers do with the endless hours spent feeding their babies. Occasionally I manage to read a little or eat a little, but always with an eye on the little girl, who tends to be unpredictable. With my favourite radio station playing in the background, here are some threads of thoughts that have drifted through my mind in these last few sleep-deprived weeks…

Weight loss

After getting over the initial discomfort of delivery, I realized that once again, for a long time, I could see my toes! By the first week I could wear my old shoes, skip, jump and run. With joy I saw the scales tipping in my favour, showing an almost instantaneous loss of half the weight I had gained this pregnancy.

The second week came and went. Reality hit me. I wasn’t going to lose any more weight, not so quickly at least. Since I had chosen to breastfeed, it meant no silly Atkins’s dieting until Hannah starts depending on cows for food.

By the fourth week, I was desperately going through my wardrobe, looking for remnants of clothing I could still wear to work. After all, in a couple of week’s time I had to attend a work-related conference, and another month later, I’d be back at work.

The verdict? Face the facts and go on a shopping spree. I am convinced that Hannah prefers people who are more “padded”, which must be why my mother is Hannah’s favourite companion when she fusses (not discounting her years of experience, of course!). So, if my daughter is happy, I’m happy.


Cow’s milk vs. Mother’s milk

When did human beings start depending on cows for this form of nutrition? Why do we feed our babies cow’s milk, not goat’s or any other mammal's? If we find it hard to imagine our precious baby feeding on another person’s milk, how is it that we so readily give them an animal's milk? Yet this must be an ancient practice since even the bible mentions the Promised Land as one of “flowing with milk and honey”.

Shouldn't it be unusual for people to think it unusual to breastfeed?

A generation ago, feeding formula milk was considered the norm. Some manufacturers even promoted their product as being ‘superior’ to mother’s milk in some aspects. My mother recalls purchasing the ‘best’ brand to feed all 4 of us. Even up till my university days, I recall students protesting against a manufacturer for promoting their products in the developing world using unethical methods.

The tide has changed. Now, the tagline is “breast is best”, with all government hospitals enforcing strict breastfeeding policies from day one of life. Infant formula tins display prominent labels with current health ministry recommendations of exclusive breastfeeding till 6 months of life. Perhaps it will take another generation for the mindset to change. Only 29% of Malaysian mothers follow the current recommendation, and no wonder.

The older generation comprising of grandparents, confinement ladies and self-proclaimed childcare experts in all forms (well-meaning friends and relatives) are still THE people who influence how an inexperienced young mother brings up her newborn.

My first week of breastfeeding was emotionally traumatic, with all sorts of conflicting advice coming my way. Some insisted I should bottle-feed the baby while waiting for my “milk to come in”, while all current literature clearly states that breastfeeding alone is sufficient. To this day, I still get unhelpful comments such as “are you sure you have enough milk?”, or even hints that expressing milk at work is too troublesome. A friend had this said to her: "Oh, please stop breastfeeding, you remind me of a cow!” How ironic.

No doubt, breastfeeding in public and milk expression at work are still challenges facing every well-meaning mother. I admit to nights when I lie in bed wondering how, when and where I could possibly achieve this at work, despite working in a hospital! Malaysian public toilets are infamously notorious for being, err hem, unhygienic to say the least. Now that is public enemy number one to lactating mothers.

Sigh, a Chinese saying goes: “xin you yu er li bu zu”. We may have all the best intentions in the world but still fail due to limited abilities.

This is not a cop out for me, but a realistic statement of the current situation. So far I have fought tooth and nail to give what I feel is the best for my daughter, I only hope I will have sufficient stamina and determination to carry it through. After all, going back to working 24-hour-calls shouldn’t be as difficult as before, considering we’ve been “on call” every night for over a month!

Oh dear, this has turned out much longer than expected. Even if you have thrice the attention span of my daughter, you’d be starting to get bored. Believe it or not, I have much more to say but will leave it till another day when Hannah permits me to spend time at the computer.

Let me end with this little excerpt from a card we received:

"Wishing you bags of energy, an extra pair of arms, a wild imagination, plenty of supernatural wisdom... and hearts full of endless extraordinary love"

Don't we just need that?


*Keretapi Tanah Melayu: the national train service