My First Time

Last week was another busy one for Hannah, where she charted several “firsts”. Let’s try to do a quick recap…


Ant bites

At least that was what we tried to convince Hannah it was.

Last Friday, Hannah made her first visit back to the clinic for some measurements and several immunization jabs. It was heart-wrenching to see her sweet face crumple as the smiling nurse plunged the needle deep into her thigh. No wonder she warned me to “hold your baby tight”. Nothing could calm poor Hannah when the procedure was repeated on the other thigh.

On the flip side, the trip was an enjoyable one for Po Po(grandmother) and Mummy. Among the sea of Malay, Chinese and Indian babies, Hannah’s features stood out prominently. Hannah was proudly paraded by Po Po as she went round chatting to other mothers and grandmothers, no doubt comparing weight and length measurements. We even met a happy mother of triplets, who amazingly had no signs of sleep-deprivation or post-natal depression!

We happily concluded that not only was Hannah a healthy, chubby baby, she also had the lustiest cry in the room. Not a plus point at 2 o’clock in the morning, but according to an American expert, such “high demand” babies eventually grow up to be sensitive, people-centred adults. After all, the age-old adage teaches us to view the cup as half full, not half empty. We can only hope so.


Zzzz

Thankfully, we seldom hear Hannah’s cries at 2am these days. For the first time, our little baby slept a solid 6 ½ hours last week, which we consider almost as good as “sleeping through the night”.

Armed with the knowledge that Hannah can sleep through a 5-6 hour stretch, we now face each night with a little less fear and dread. Although waking up at 6am each morning might seem like a drag for some, it works out perfectly for us – we both leave for work before 7am anyway!



Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

Obviously this doesn't apply to Hannah and I.

Last week I was away for 2 half-days, attending a work-related conference. It was the first time Hannah was separated from Mummy for more than 2 hours, AND took 2 consecutive bottle feeds.

Now, so what, you might ask. Any breastfeeding mother will tell you how difficult it is to settle Baby with a bottle in the early days. Hannah had refused the bottle outright on several occasions, and Po Po was stuck with the job of babysitting alone on the first day I was away.

How did we fare?

Mummy: Anxious and jumpy throughout the talks and seminars. Could not concentrate on conversations with colleagues. Wished she had pictures of Baby with her. Resisted urge to call home every 15 minutes. Left conference early on both days! Diagnosis: Moderate case of Separation Anxiety

Baby: Screamed and fussed during feeding time, but eventually finished both feeds due to the coaxing skills of Po Po. Otherwise no outright display of missing Mummy. Diagnosis: Who can read the mind of this little one?

In a week’s time, both of us will be put to the test when I finally go back to work and start doing night calls. It’s a little sad to think I have less than a week of solid time with my baby. We’ll just have to enjoy our weekends together, IF I’m not on call that is. Sigh.

******************

Last week we also received a group of “aunties” who travelled from as far as Melaka (2-hour car ride) to visit us. After listening to their words of wisdom, I can only say this to Hannah: “Aren't you thankful Mummy is not Aunty Wendy, otherwise you’d be left crying in your cot during nap times – no rocking or cuddling; or Aunty Betty, who would force you to drink your own urine to get rid of those milk stains on your tongue; or Aunty Alice, who stuck a piece of tissue on your forehead to stop your awful hiccups.

That’s not to say Mummy has got it all perfectly right either. We just try to do what we think is the best for you, Hannah.”

Hannah at seven weeks

What's on your mind Hannah?

Hannah's first smile on camera

What do you think she is dreaming about?

 

Hannah & Daddy’s big day came and went. We’re still suffering from the after effects of the day, so I can only give you snapshots of what happened…


Scene 1

Was this taken at the beginning or the end of the day?



7am – Father and daughter started the day in a similar fashion, unwilling to face the realities of a long, tiring day.


Scene 2

“Careful how you carry her; are you sure it’s ok to carry a young baby like that?”

“Oh don’t worry, she likes it like that.”

“Cindy, how are you coping now? Are the nights getting better?”

“Are you two leaving now? Oh, never mind then, I’ll wait till next week.”

“So cute… She looks like you Chris!”

11:40am – Chris, Hannah and I inched slowly out of church, taking half a step each time towards the door, but obviously Hannah was drawing too much attention. We usually enjoy catching up with friends after the church service, but that day we had an important lunch appointment.

Hannah’s grandparents were waiting outside the church building, not interrupting but looking slightly concerned, glancing intermittently at their watches.

Finally, Hannah saved the day by letting out a loud wail. Snatching the opportunity to excuse ourselves, we quickly bundled out of church into the bright afternoon sun.


Scene 3

(Telephone rings)
“Are you guys still at home?! The whole world is here already!”

Babies have no concept of time (other than feeding time), so we were more than a little behind time for Hannah’s Full Moon party. Oblivious to the stress she was creating, Hannah wanted to complete her cycle of ‘input’ and ‘output’ before leaving the house, and even attempted to catch a nap in between!

Hannah’s Gong Gong* (grandpa), Po Po** (grandma) and Tua Ku* (eldest uncle) had already called at various times before we finally stepped into the restaurant, just over half an hour late.


* Hokkien terms
** Cantonese term (my mother is Cantonese, my father is Hokkien) 

Scene 4

Ignorance is bliss they say, but even though Chris could not understand much of the conversation going on around him, his blood pressure soared as a scene of chaos greeted us.

Having made a grand entrance, Hannah was the immediate centre of attraction. Known as a baby-loving clan, several great aunts instantly swirled around the infant carrier, even whilst Chris was struggling to set it up in the stroller.

An elderly great aunt, obviously not familiar with the 5-in-1 contraption of stroller/ infant car seat/ infant carrier/ rocker and feeding seat looked in disdain at us. The instructions shot out steadily (translated from Hokkien):

“Are you sure she’s comfortable in that?” (despite the fact that Hannah was sleeping soundly)

“Why are there all these straps? Look, it’s leaving red marks on her skin. Take it off!” (off went the safety belts)

“She’s feeling cold, quickly cover her with something.” (a clean nappy cloth was thrown over her legs)

“Why is her head in a funny angle? Can you adjust this thing so she’s more comfortable?” (I had to insist Hannah was feeling perfectly comfortable by now)


Thankfully, Hannah slept soundly through lunch, cleverly avoiding being passed around from one person to another. Still, she was ‘exhibit A’, and could not avoid viewings from relatives, with the occasional poking and pinching.

It became slightly unbearable when my aunts turned the attention to me.

“Have you been drinking enough DOM?”

“Don’t eat that! It’s too ‘cooling’ for you” (dessert was a delicious-looking honey dew sago with ice cream)

“I thought you were not supposed to eat spicy foods?”

And so the afternoon went by with an almost constant barrage of well-meaning comments on how I should be taking care of Hannah and myself, and of course, comments about breastfeeding.

Scene 5

Unfortunately, the attention was too much for poor Hannah to bear. Before dessert appeared, she was wide awake and not very happy. Po Po tried to calm her down and introduced her to my cousin’s baby (held by his Po Po) – only 5 months older and perhaps 3 times bigger!

The bigger boy burst into tears, triggering off another baby in the restaurant. Soon we had 3 babies crying simultaneously. Hannah will grow up to be an influential person!


Once again, Hannah saved the day by requesting for another feed. We left just as we came, ‘grandly’, with all eyes on us - a screaming baby and rather frazzled parents.

The rest of the afternoon and evening was spent coaxing the tired little baby into her usual routine of feeding and sleeping, with little success.

Finally at 9pm, in the same manner as she started off her day, Hannah fell into a deep sleep in Daddy’s arms. Everyone in the household heaved a sigh of relief. No more big crowds for Hannah for a long time. 

Hannah Says

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Ok, so it's tomorrow and not today. But seeing how busy we'll be tomorrow, I thought I should do this before I forget. We've got to go to church, and then to my party. What was it again? Oh yes, my Full Moon party. Let's see, between the folks at church and all our relatives at the lunch, I'd expect to be passed around at least, say, 40 times? Sigh, the things I put up with...

Mummy says you will be, err, almost 30 years old?! Wow, how does it feel to be so old? I am only over a month old, so you must be many many times older than me!

As a birthday present for you, I have decided to make a few resolutions, which I am sure will please you:

1. I will wake up only once every night and sleep through the night within a month’s time.

2. Whenever you change my nappy I will not aim or shoot unmentionables in your direction.

3. I will not fall asleep within 5 minutes of starting my feeds.

4. I will stop fussing and fall asleep within minutes of your cuddling or rocking.

5. I will look pretty each time you take a picture of me, so we can land an advertisement deal and earn a lifetime supply of diapers.

Oh, all this talking is tiring.

I think I’m going to start crying hysterically and get some attention. Hopefully someone will feed me then put me down for a nap.

You adults never seem to know what I want.

It’s tough being a baby. Yawn.

Happy Birthday again Daddy. Oh, and love from Mummy too.

Hugs and kisses,
Hannah

Motherhood Musings

Almost 6 weeks on, and it finally feels like things are picking up speed. From an old rickety KTM* overnight mail train, we now seem to be progressing to the speed of the Eurostar passing through the underwater tunnel.

Well, almost.

There are still colicky nights when we wonder if we would ever live to see daylight. But compared to Hannah’s first week (‘the longest week of our lives’), we seem to be calmer parents (and grandparents), more able to decipher her cries and anticipate her needs.

I often wonder what mothers do with the endless hours spent feeding their babies. Occasionally I manage to read a little or eat a little, but always with an eye on the little girl, who tends to be unpredictable. With my favourite radio station playing in the background, here are some threads of thoughts that have drifted through my mind in these last few sleep-deprived weeks…

Weight loss

After getting over the initial discomfort of delivery, I realized that once again, for a long time, I could see my toes! By the first week I could wear my old shoes, skip, jump and run. With joy I saw the scales tipping in my favour, showing an almost instantaneous loss of half the weight I had gained this pregnancy.

The second week came and went. Reality hit me. I wasn’t going to lose any more weight, not so quickly at least. Since I had chosen to breastfeed, it meant no silly Atkins’s dieting until Hannah starts depending on cows for food.

By the fourth week, I was desperately going through my wardrobe, looking for remnants of clothing I could still wear to work. After all, in a couple of week’s time I had to attend a work-related conference, and another month later, I’d be back at work.

The verdict? Face the facts and go on a shopping spree. I am convinced that Hannah prefers people who are more “padded”, which must be why my mother is Hannah’s favourite companion when she fusses (not discounting her years of experience, of course!). So, if my daughter is happy, I’m happy.


Cow’s milk vs. Mother’s milk

When did human beings start depending on cows for this form of nutrition? Why do we feed our babies cow’s milk, not goat’s or any other mammal's? If we find it hard to imagine our precious baby feeding on another person’s milk, how is it that we so readily give them an animal's milk? Yet this must be an ancient practice since even the bible mentions the Promised Land as one of “flowing with milk and honey”.

Shouldn't it be unusual for people to think it unusual to breastfeed?

A generation ago, feeding formula milk was considered the norm. Some manufacturers even promoted their product as being ‘superior’ to mother’s milk in some aspects. My mother recalls purchasing the ‘best’ brand to feed all 4 of us. Even up till my university days, I recall students protesting against a manufacturer for promoting their products in the developing world using unethical methods.

The tide has changed. Now, the tagline is “breast is best”, with all government hospitals enforcing strict breastfeeding policies from day one of life. Infant formula tins display prominent labels with current health ministry recommendations of exclusive breastfeeding till 6 months of life. Perhaps it will take another generation for the mindset to change. Only 29% of Malaysian mothers follow the current recommendation, and no wonder.

The older generation comprising of grandparents, confinement ladies and self-proclaimed childcare experts in all forms (well-meaning friends and relatives) are still THE people who influence how an inexperienced young mother brings up her newborn.

My first week of breastfeeding was emotionally traumatic, with all sorts of conflicting advice coming my way. Some insisted I should bottle-feed the baby while waiting for my “milk to come in”, while all current literature clearly states that breastfeeding alone is sufficient. To this day, I still get unhelpful comments such as “are you sure you have enough milk?”, or even hints that expressing milk at work is too troublesome. A friend had this said to her: "Oh, please stop breastfeeding, you remind me of a cow!” How ironic.

No doubt, breastfeeding in public and milk expression at work are still challenges facing every well-meaning mother. I admit to nights when I lie in bed wondering how, when and where I could possibly achieve this at work, despite working in a hospital! Malaysian public toilets are infamously notorious for being, err hem, unhygienic to say the least. Now that is public enemy number one to lactating mothers.

Sigh, a Chinese saying goes: “xin you yu er li bu zu”. We may have all the best intentions in the world but still fail due to limited abilities.

This is not a cop out for me, but a realistic statement of the current situation. So far I have fought tooth and nail to give what I feel is the best for my daughter, I only hope I will have sufficient stamina and determination to carry it through. After all, going back to working 24-hour-calls shouldn’t be as difficult as before, considering we’ve been “on call” every night for over a month!

Oh dear, this has turned out much longer than expected. Even if you have thrice the attention span of my daughter, you’d be starting to get bored. Believe it or not, I have much more to say but will leave it till another day when Hannah permits me to spend time at the computer.

Let me end with this little excerpt from a card we received:

"Wishing you bags of energy, an extra pair of arms, a wild imagination, plenty of supernatural wisdom... and hearts full of endless extraordinary love"

Don't we just need that?


*Keretapi Tanah Melayu: the national train service

Hannah's first trip to church

"Are we nearly there yet?"

 

"Well I'm glad you find me entertaining."

 

Full Moon Celebration

A quick Google search will yield a mish-mash of results for this one. It ranges from Buddha's birthday, to the Chinese mid-Autumn Festival, and even ancient Greek mythology. Our previous blog would give you a clue about what this is all about.

Yesterday was Malaysia's 49th Merdeka Day (Independence Day), and naturally, a public holiday. Cindy's parents took the opportunity to make a day trip to their hometown, Port Dickson, to do what every proud Chinese grandparent would do: announce Hannah's one-month birthday!

Armed with packs of "goodies", they went round to houses of friends to distribute the gifts and announced the good news. The contents included: roasted chicken, nasi kunyit (yellow glutinous rice), curry chicken, hard-boiled egg dyed red, ang koo kueh (glutinous cakes with green bean paste filling) and pickled young ginger. Interestingly, the ang koo kueh is ball shaped for a male baby, and peach shaped for a female.


Hannah's Full Moon celebrations will culminate in a special lunch next weekend, hosted by Cindy's parents, and attended by close friends and extended family members. Although it all sounds rather extravagant, a shrewd mother pointed this out: the Chinese will never allow themselves to be on the losing end! A common returning gesture would be to give ang pow (red packets containing money) to Hannah, or gifts, including jewelry.

Of course, Hannah's grandparents are simply happy, excited and proud to show off our family's newest addition, and will not be balancing the accounts so calculatively.

Oh, I can see questions coming... what do all those different food represent? Hmm, I'm sure they have various auspiscious meanings, but that is totally lost on me. An online search may do the trick, but you will have to forgive this busy new mother for not doing her homework.